


Pledge

by Soraya (soraya2004), soraya2004



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Schmoop, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-23
Updated: 2010-07-23
Packaged: 2017-10-14 19:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soraya2004/pseuds/Soraya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/soraya2004/pseuds/soraya2004
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon knows that Obi-Wan is not his to keep</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pledge

  
There is a reason why the Council frowns upon intimate relations between Masters and their Padawans: the risk of contamination is too great. The emotional entanglement involved in guiding Force-adept adolescents through to knighthood presents enough challenges; adding a sexual component to the mix would only increase the chance of straying down darker paths. That said, such relations aren't expressly forbidden; rather, they are discouraged for the benefit of both parties. And on this, where the Council is concerned, I concur.

Right now, though, my Padawan of the last eight years is summoning the courage to prove me wrong.

We are in the temple gardens on Coruscant, and we are here at his request. Obi-Wan comes from a planet where very little grows. The sheer abundance of life in these gardens has always fascinated him, although sometimes he has difficulty embracing it through the Living Force. Yet, this of all places is where he feels most at ease. He told me, once, that this very enclosure sang to him of home: of comfort and of serenity. It makes sense that he should choose it now.

My Obi-Wan is troubled. For once, I don't tell him that he can come to me with anything. Part of me hopes we can avoid this particular trial, but as I watch him gather his courage, I know we shall not be so fortunate.

"Master," he says at last. "Master, I'm in love with you."

Despite knowing that he would tell me this, the sound of those words in Obi-Wan's voice steals my breath away. He is twenty-one and I am forty-three. Twenty-one, and flushed with all the awkwardness of first love. It will not be his last.

Something very close to my heart twists with that knowledge, and it takes every shred of calm I possess to reply: "As I love you, my Padawan."

I can feel his astonishment bursting through our bond. Belief follows moments later, then joy and then desire, which burns through the last of his restraint. Before he can take the next step, however, I raise both hands to stop him.

"Master?" His face clouds with confusion.

After the whirlwind of emotion, it's almost a relief to be hit by that. But relief fades fast, leaving in my hands the heart of a young man in love. There is no easy way to return this gift. Obi-Wan is and has been many things to me. I am not ready to lose them, nor him, and it's clear to me that the words I choose next will determine the nature of our future together.

I decide to tell him a story of a Jedi Padawan not much younger than he is now. _This_ Padawan, I tell him, had the most venerable of Jedi for his master, one who inspired love and devotion that the Padawan had to give. I am, of course, speaking of myself. It's not easy for me to revisit that time, but Obi-Wan deserves my honesty. And I know the instant he works it out, because his face contorts in an expression of absolute horror.

"You and Master _Yoda_?"

"Yes, Obi-Wan," I reply, "me and Master Yoda."

I fail miserably when I try to inject the requisite amount of 'serene Jedi Master' in that statement. Fortunately, Obi-Wan doesn't notice; his mind is otherwise occupied, to the extent that the idea of Yoda and me together seems to have him in a frenzy. His thoughts leap through several scenarios, each growing in complexity, each one making him shudder. From my perspective, I can only marvel at the breadth of depravity in a young man's imagination.

Finally, and to no one in particular, Obi-Wan announces: "It just is _not_ possible."

"Indeed, it was not," I tell him.

Which draws his attention back to the here and now, back to me and back to our current dilemma.

The issue hasn't gone away. Obi-Wan is still in love; that much is clear. Now, however, there is a sense of balance. Peace tempers longing, and reason cools the fire of lust. When he smiles up at me, he is quite beautiful in his acceptance. Never have I seen him shine so bright in the Living Force.

In my fascination, I reach for him, letting myself bask in the sweetness of the moment for I will not always have this precious regardnot from him, and certainly not in this way. With time, the yearning he bears for me will wither and fade. It is the way of change: inevitable, painful, yet necessary at the same time. When he is older, he may look back, as many have done, in wonder at these emotions. I shall be his 'old master', no less cherished because my Obi-Wan will always care for me. But someone else will have the heat of his passion and someone else will share his life.

For now, though, that warmth shines on me, and I want him to know how much light he brings to my life. So, I say, "Come, Padawan, let us walk a little."

Side by side, we move through the temple gardens, past the daffodils and the floating dahlias. There is an ease in the silence that lies between us, one which has been absent for some time. Only now can I admit how much I have missed being with my Obi-Wan like this. I touch him on the shoulder, and I smile at the universe in general. Everything is as it should be.

All of a sudden, Obi-Wan takes me by the hand, and he says, "Master, these feelings will not fade. They will only grow stronger and deeper, and when the time is right, I will ask you to bond with me. How will you answer me then, my Qui-Gon?"

His eyes bore into mine, and the truth of those words rings through the Force. This boy will own everything that I am. Perhaps he already does; perhaps I have always known this. And perhaps that is why, for only the second time in his apprenticeship, I do not know what to say.

  
The End.

**Author's Note:**

> This answers the 'proposal public place' prompt on my [](http://community.livejournal.com/schmoop_bingo/profile)[**schmoop_bingo**](http://community.livejournal.com/schmoop_bingo/) card.


End file.
